Have you ever experienced the emotional pain of personal growth? I am in the thick of it as I near the last stretch in my Last 90 Days Challenge. This is not a byproduct I expected from this challenge. Perhaps that was naive of me. At the start of the challenge, I planned for the physical aspects. My list of preparation included; adjusting to getting up early, identifying a daily workout, and using an app to remind me to drink all that water. What I didn’t plan for was how all of the change would make me feel emotionally.

The emotional pain I’m talking about came from the process of giving up my old life for my new one. The experience is a profound letting go of what was, who I believed myself to be, and how I viewed others perceptions in order to step fully in to my true self. This has made me think about my grade school science project where the class documented a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. Seems like a good parallel to what this feels like. I wonder if the caterpillar felt pain during the process?

My commitment to this challenge did not waiver in the first two months. I did all the things and found the routine relatively easy to establish. That was a bit of a surprise to me, but a happy discovery. My energy felt good, my motivation leveled up and I thought to myself ‘you’ve got this!’. Then about day 58 the cracks started to show. I felt worry, fear, sadness, and uncertainty about what was going on. Could I really change my stripes? Would I be someone different or would I be the same me, but just a version that gets up at 5:30 am and has to pee twenty times a day because of all that water drinking?

I’m at day 69 now, with 21 more to go. My resolve to stay true to the commitment that I made on day one is holding strong. I have hope but know that ‘hope is not a strategy’ so I’m using my goals to navigate the emotional pain of personal growth and keep me on course.

Where I’m going to be at the end of this challenge I’m not sure, but to the last 21 days I say…let’s go!

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